Written by Shelby Allen before flying to New Zealand and Australia “just in case the plane crashes”, June 17, 2008

My Last Words

Wow so I guess the end came sooner than I thought. Haha, well I’m not going to make this some crazy emotional thing, because you know me..I like to have a good time and by no means do I want all of you to feel sadness right now. This, as you might be able to tell by now, is in a way my final dying words. Which ever way I might have have died, I’m sure I didn’t get any last words. So these are my words. I’m creating them now, just in case something totally unexpected happens and I am wiped off the face of the Earth you love and I love (well now loved) so much.

I’d like to start off by saying I’m sorry for the inconvenience I placed on any of your lives. :) You know, all those times I randomly said stuff, and you were just like ‘shut up!” Or the stupid mistakes I have made that have impacted your life in a negative way. I’m sorry for anything I might have done that caused anyone else harm. I apologize for being obnoxious, loud, and somewhat annoying at times. I apologize for never giving you the chance to get to know you well enough; I apologize for never going beyond my comfort level to help you out; I apologize for never opening up enough for you to understand me.

For those of you who are not totally positive who I was, I will tell you a few basic facts. I am Shelby Lyn Allen. I am 16 years old, born September 15, 1991. I have dark brown hair, though I frequently enjoy dying it blonde, questionably green eyes, and I am 5’ 6” tall and 110 pounds. I live with my mom and dad, Debbie and Steve Allen, and my 19 year old sister Tera Allen. I live on the west side of Redding, California. I am told I have a knack for words, a knack with writing, though I am not entirely positive how true that is. I am not religious in any way, except I love the culture part of religion. I’m sorry if this shocks any of you religious people out there. (Hey, on the bright side If there really is heaven and hell I am obviously going to hell for not believing ha ha.) I love my family, and my friends, and believe in having a good time.

I suppose I shouldn’t have written any of that in present tense...It should have been past tense. Because the truth is, I’m not here anymore. Though you may be reading or listening to my words, they are but an imprint in time, as I am now. I’m not coming back, and all of you have to accept that and move on. I have been through losing a friend, as many of you have as well. Brandon Anthony Brown. Who knew someday I would be in the same situation. I guess I could really drag this out forever and ever, but I honestly am getting sick of writing about something that seems would be impossible to happen. So I have to mention a few special things to a few people who I have held close in my heart. Or if not close in my heart, at least they deserve a few words since I’ll never get the chance to talk to them again.

First, of course, goes out to Mom and Dad. I’ll start with my father. I know this is going to be tough for you dad, I was your girl, your baby. But you have to understand that no matter what don’t stop living. And I know you are a strong man and you won’t do anything stupid. I respect your knowledge and you for that. I know how smart you are. You’ve done many things in the past yet you hauled yourself out of it and that takes courage. Do me a favor (Tera’s gonna kill me for this) but keep all your attention on Ter and never let her go. She’s the last one left now and you can’t let her go. I know you are smart and you wont stop living life, it’s mom I’m more worried about.

Mom- out of any female I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing for almost 17 years, you are the most courageous, independent, determined one I know. After losing Chelsea, I know you lost all faith and found it very hard to continue with life. But you did. And that’s exactly what you need to do now. Remember everything, but don’t regret or be sad or think it could’ve been different. Life does funny things sometimes. I know you never got to tell me all the stuff you wanted to...that was for when I turned 30, but the truth is I know some of it. I found out. I know about your rocky marriage and I admire how you held on to dad. You have serious faith and loyalty. I always wanted a marriage like yours and dad, never have I seen a couple so much in love. And I know what happened to you with those boys...And I honestly felt ice cold when I heard about it. That is the hardest thing for a woman, no not a woman, a young girl to go through. But you handled it, and I always have aspired to be like that. I have learned an abundance of information and lessons from you and dad, and for that I will be eternally grateful. Words cannot describe the love I had for you two. I cannot even explain. Keep on living. Be cool.

Tera- We’ve had a somewhat rocky sister relationship, but know that I’ve always looked up to you, my older sis. Don’t think this is the end of the world...because it’s not. I love you sis, and go for your dreams and don’t let anything hold you back. Ever. Honestly, I could write paragraphs and paragraphs for every person I know. But it would take forever and you would be bored out of your mind. I just believe it is important for my immediate family. So from here on out, I’m keeping it simple and sweet.

Emma, my closest cousin- I love you please don’t do anything stupid anymore, you deserve the best in life. You deserve to be amazing at whatever you choose to do in life. Aunt Sue, Uncle Pete- Thank you for being amazing relatives. Love your children more than you already do, which may be impossible.

Cousin Aaron- Don’t ever punch my dad again. Ha ha just kidding. Except not. I love you.

Aunt Belinda- I’m sorry i never got the chance to assistant produce with you. Honestly that would have been the best thing in the world. You are my role model because you are so unique. Find a man that loves you and hold onto him. Aunt Tammy and Uncle Paul- You two are the coolest aunt/uncle I have had. Ever. Enough said.

Grandma and Grandpa on dad’s side - Thank you for everything. I love you. Trips to Whitmore were bomb. All Aunts and uncles on my dad’s side - Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for being there and making my experiences growing up a fun time.

All cousins on dad’s side- grow up to be big and beautiful and don’t let anything in this world stop you from getting what you want.

Now for my friends...

Berkeley and Makila - Both of you have been in my life since the day I was born. You’re my red headed twins, my god sisters, and my friends since the womb. I know both of you have your heads on your shoulders and will tackle whatever comes your way. I love you and thank you for all the time we’ve spent together.

Audrey - I love you and admire everything that you have gone through. With your mom, and just everything. You are so strong, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I know you never got caught up in all that high school stuff because you knew there were way more important things. I love you.

Parker - I always remember seeing on TV the girl and the boy that were best friends. I always laughed cause I knew in real life that never happened. But honestly, you and me have become that. I love you brother.

Kim - My ging, I’m so happy we became close this year. I’m giving you courage and ambition to go for what you want. Don’t hold back- life’s too short.

Taylor- I admire your courage...And everything that you have been through. You’re never afraid to speak your mind, though some snub you for that. Don’t listen to anyone else- Believe what you want to believe and don’t listen to those that question you.

Kat- I'm sorry I haven’t been the best friend that I could be this year. I was hoping in the next year to start hanging out with you again...But apparently the end came a lil too soon. I know it's hard for you to trust people . . you've been deserted by people before. I know it's hard, but all I ask is for you is to open up more. Trust me, if you look around there are many great supporting friends willing to listen. I’m sorry I couldn’t be one of them.

Clara- Its amazing to think we met online. But you have supported me in every one of my decisions . . even the bad ones. I know you are smart and you have so much potential...Don’t waste it on things that aren’t important. Be true, and love yourself.

 Elyssa- I’m happy we’ve gotten somewhat closer this summer. I’m sorry I’ve made mistakes...and you’ve lost some respect for me. Hold onto the people you truly love . . . But don’t base your decisions off of them. You’ve been through tough times . . especially recently. I’m sorry I can’t be here to console you. Keep going lyss, Life goes on and you have to go with it.

Alyssa- You are by far the most changed person I have met. Not that change is a bad thing. I’m so proud of you...Don’t ever forget that. Sarah- You have so much passion in everything you do. Keep it that way. Put your heart into everything. I know you have it in you, and no matter what don’t give up dancing. It’s amazing watching you dance because you’re so good at it. Keep being passionate and kind, all of those around you admire you for it.

Rianna- You are so sweet and kind...And you work so hard in everything you do. Keep it up girl, you’ll get what you want no matter what.

And to everyone else...I only have a few words to share. Live life to the fullest. Don’t get caught up in everyone else’s decisions and opinions . . . Honestly, I was known for being extremely opinionated. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. You are your own person. Don’t ever forget that. Be who you want to be, and don’t let anyone else influence that.

It’s okay to make some bad decisions . . . As long as you pull yourself out of it in the end. As long as you have your head on your shoulders and know how to get back to that state of mind in which you know what is morally right or wrong for you. And I know it’s totally cliché but education is so important. Stay in school.

May I grant each and every one of you the patience to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

And know this . . wonderfully stated by Marilyn Monroe.

“Everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you’ll eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

I couldn’t say it any better. Without each other, life has no color...only words.

Remember not me, but the lessons and imprints put upon this world by me.